


Never Knew I Needed You

by Kca1516



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Codependency, Diary/Journal, Emotional Hurt, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapped Stiles, M/M, Minor Character Death, Overprotective Derek, Overprotective Stiles Stilinski, Panic Attack, Protective Derek Hale, Protective Stiles, Stiles is Legal, Torture, derek calls stiles pup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 11:21:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13950501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kca1516/pseuds/Kca1516
Summary: They were broken. No one could possibly fix them.But, they never needed fixing.(Don’t let the minor character death throw you off its nobody important)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my token angst fic where everything is rlly angsty don’t let the 1st person pov through you off there’s a reason for it and most of the story is is third person anyway  
> Hope you enjoy  
> All the love

  
Everyone told him to stay away.

 _I didn't listen_.

Derek was dangerous anyone with eyes could see it.

_I didn't care._

Stiles’s father saw him as a criminal. Scott thought he was a cocky alpha. Lydia knew him as the thing that made Jackson a monster. Allison hated him for ripping apart her family.  
They all saw him as a predator.

_Not to me, I told them._

Derek was untrustworthy, and power hungry, they said. He didn't know how to care for anyone or anything, and he was too far gone to help.   
His past broke him into a million little pieces that couldn't be put back together again. Derek was unfixable, anyone who tried to help him would only get hurt in the process.

_They were right, and they were wrong._

Derek was unfixable, yes that part was true.   
Derek would never be the innocent, carefree boy he was before the fire. Before his heartbreak. It was impossible to make him forget his pain completely, and he would never be able to trust someone with the ease he once did. For him to allow a person past his defenses, they would have to prove themselves. So yes, Stiles thought his friends and family were right. Derek was unfixable.

_But, here’s where they all got it wrong._

Lydia, Stiles’s father, Allison, Scott and even at the time, Derek's sister Laura.

_Derek never needed someone to fix him._

He _never_ needed that.  
He needed someone he could trust, someone who would be there for him when things got bad again. Someone who could understand how he was feeling without him ever having to say a word. Someone who would take care of him. But, also someone who would let Derek take care of them.   
Someone who trusted him, and counted on him to do what was right. A person who he could calm down when things were too overwhelming instead of the other way around.

_Someone who needed him just as much as he needed them._

And, that's where Stiles came in.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say onward to ch 1!!!!  
> All the love

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_And, that's where Stiles came in._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

_In the beginning, Derek treated me like everybody else he forced himself to make contact with. Meaning he barely talked to me, glared at me with a vengeance, and intimidated me whenever the chance arose.  
But, it all changed one afternoon._

_  
~~~~~~~~~~_

Stiles was sitting on a ground in the middle of the forest. Rain pebbled his face as it fell down heavily through the thick mass of pine trees.   
The sun was nowhere to be seen, and the moss on the ground, that usually softened his seat, was drenched in water. Rain seeped into Stiles’s clothes from all angles, chilling him to the bone.

But, the boy couldn't find it in himself to care.

Today was Stiles’s mom's date. More specifically, her death date.

Eight years had gone by since Stiles had last seen his mother.  
  
It felt like only yesterday he had been holding her hand as the light slowly left her eyes.

At the time, Stiles didn't understand why she had to leave. He didn't want her to go.  
Stiles wanted her to come home with him and Daddy. He wanted to play pretend with her again.  
She would be the Queen and Stiles would be the prince, and they would save the kingdom from the dragons that invaded their land.   
Stiles remembered telling her just that, and she said…

~~~~~~~~~~

"Close your eyes my love, go on do it.”

Stiles did.

"Now, picture me laying on a bed of flowers in my Queenly chambers. You, my brave Prince, are at my side. King Daddy is there, too. You are both looking at me in bed, I’m sleeping. Maybe you wonder why I’m sleeping. King Daddy tells you that I am very tired and that I will be asleep for a very long time. You must not wake me Stiles, I’m resting. But, one day I’ll wake up and we’ll slay the evil dragons together again. Until that day Stiles, you’ll have to take on some of my responsibilities. You have to make sure King Daddy eats all his vegetables, and wave at all the commoners you see on the street. And until the day I wake up, my love, you will have to wait patiently. Do you understand?"

He nodded, still with his eyes closed.  
  
"Good, I love you my Prince."  
  
When Stile opened up his eyes again, there lay the Queen sleeping peacefully on a bed of flowers.

~~~~~~~~~~

He missed her like hell.  
But, it wasn't the only reason Stiles was upset.   
It was selfish he knew, but today was a day that reminded him of all his abnormalities.

Today reminded him of his ADHD.  
His Mom used to say that Stiles was born with a gift that made him think twice as fast as the other kids that made fun of him for it.   
To this day people still made fun of Stiles for his hyperactive brain. The only difference was now no one was there to comfort him on the days their word's broke through his defenses.  
Stiles’s friends would always try to make him feel better if they saw him upset. But, Stiles had learned to hide his emotions from an early age. He had to be his father’s crutch, he couldn’t afford to break down.

This day reminded Stiles of his anxiety, and depression due partly to his mother's death. Stiles could still recall, vividly, a week after her funeral having a panic attack in school when someone mentioned Mother's Day. After that he was officially labeled the school freak.  
This day reminded Stiles of heartbreak, and anger, and sadness. And he didn't even realize his emotions getting the better of him until he couldn't breath.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kidding there is much to say. Stiles’s mom died of cancer in this story not the desease she had in the show, also this story isnt really complient with the show so don’t have high expectations lol  
> All the love


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last ch for today, now introducing Derek yay  
> All the love

  
As soon as Stiles realized he was having trouble breathing, he panicked.  
Ice cold fear coursed through the boy’s veins, hitting him like a freight train.  
Salty tears mixed with the rain on Stiles’s face, and his breathing grew erratic.  
Frantically, Stiles stood from his spot on the ground, gasping for air.

A tiny almost nonexistent voice in the back of his head told him he had to take deep breaths. But, trying only made Stiles feel worse.  
A continuous cry, pained and horrified could be heard in every direction Stiles turned. He wanted to get away from it so badly, but it followed him everywhere he tried to run.

Until, finally, he stopped trying to escape it.

Stiles collapsed to the forest floor and curled in on himself.  
He was going to die...he was going to die...he was going to die...

The thought played over and over again in his mind, a record on repeat. Stiles was going to die and leave everyone he loved behind.  
His poor Dad, Scott, Allison, Mama Mccall, Lydia, Danny, hell, even Jackson. Stiles was going to die, and eventually they would all forget about him. He would become a distant memory, and as time wore on they would completely forgot him. Stiles was going to die.

Until he wasn't.

All of a sudden, through his muddled brain, Stiles felt two strong arms wrap around him like a vice. At first the boy tried to struggle, not knowing who was behind him.

Until Stiles heard a voice, soft and gentle, calling to him.

"Stiles, it's me, it's Derek. Listen to me Stiles, you have to stop screaming. Um...please stop screaming? You’re not letting yourself get enough air, please pup calm down."

Screaming? He wasn’t sc- oh.

That noise. The noise that seemed to follow him wherever he went. The gut wrenching scream pressing in on him from all directions...that was him.

Derek was right, Stiles needed to stop.  
He tried, in vain, to close his mouth, or bite his lip. Anything to quiet down.  
But, Stiles’s body fought him every step of the way. He was shaking with the effort. Throughout it all, Derek held him close whispering words of encouragement. He knew this was something Stiles had to do for himself.

Eventually, after what felt like hours, Stiles screams turned to quiet whimpers.

  
"Good Stiles, you're doing so well."

Stiles became weightless as Derek picked him up and started walking.  
Stiles didn't know how, but the werewolf managed to grip him even tighter than before.

“Just keep listening to my voice, pup, try to relax. I'm right here no one can hurt you while I'm here."

  
Stiles buried his face into Derek’s broad chest and couldn’t hold back a fresh wave of tears.  
Having Derek there calmed Stiles faster than anything he’d ever tried before.  
But, as the initial rush of adrenaline slowly ebbed away, Stiles became more coherent.

He was mad. Mad at himself, mad at everyone, mad at everything. He lost himself in his anger until he was close to going over the edge again. But, Derek brought him back.

His voice, his smell, his embrace, his heartbeat, it all brought Stiles back down again. The werewolf relaxed Stiles so much, he was trying not to fall asleep in his arms.

As if he knew what Stiles was thinking, Derek growled at him.

“Sleep Stiles, you need to."

  
For the first time that day, the boy looked up at Derek.  
His hazel eyes, that were normally void of emotion, shone bright with affection. His eyebrows and mouth were drawn in with worry, an expression so different from his usual brooding look he so often wore. His black hair was matted from the rain that was still pouring down around them, and a droplet of water slowly ran down his nose.  
All of the little details about the man Stiles had never noticed before stood out so clearly, it was almost as if he was a different person.  
Derek's demeanor changed from guarded, to protective.

Which was... strange.

Stiles didn't really understand why Derek would care. He always seemed to bother the werewolf before. But, there was no doubt in the boy’s mind that Derek was radiating protective vibes.

Stiles blinked his eyes sluggishly, not feeling up to decoding Derek’s strange habits.  
The Alpha was probably only helping him to get on Scott’s good side.  
But, before Stiles could even think about contemplating it further.  
Derek noticed he wasn't doing as asked, and the werewolf let out a warning growl.

"Sleep Stiles.” It was not a request.

Stiles rolled his eyes, but closed them nonetheless. Surely enough, within seconds the boy was lulled to sleep. Derek's steady heartbeat acting as his lullaby.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont have an actual posting schedule ive had this written for years and hust want to finally post it on ao3 lol  
> All the love

When Stiles woke up again he was dripping sweat, and scared out of his wits. The boy grabbed hold of his bed sheet, trying to forget the nightmare still plaguing his mind.

"Stiles, relax, your heart is beating a mile a minute," Derek said...wait why was Derek in his- shit.  
Just like that the memories of Derek finding Stiles in the forest came rushing back. 

Startled, Stiles not only realized Derek had seen him have a panic attack, but he also was still in the werewolves arms. That ‘bed sheet’ Stiles had been clinging onto, was actually Derek's wet t-shirt. 

 

By the looks of it, the pair had just gotten into Stiles’s bedroom. Through the window, the boy noted with an eye roll.  
Still, it didn’t do anything for Stiles’s dignity and he could feel himself blushing.

"You know you can put me down,” Stiles told Derek, expecting to be dropped like hot potato, "I'm fine now."

In truth Stiles felt like he was going to puke.  
But, he refused to play the damsel in distress role any longer than necessary. 

Derek looked at him in disbelief.

"I don't even have to listen to your heartbeat to know you’re lying,” he said, “Stiles, you’re recovering from a panic attack, and a nightmare that all but scared me to death. You need recovery time whether you like it or not."

If Stiles didn't know better, he’d say the big bad wolf sounded concerned.

But, the truth of the matter was Derek was only helping Stiles because he was useful when the werewolf found himself in trouble.

Stiles would give him credit, though. Derek was a convincing actor.  
Nonetheless, the boy glared at the older man. He was not about to be ordered around by Derek...even if Stiles knew that what he said was true.

With an exasperated huff, Derek gently lay Stiles on his bed. The boy didn’t have enough energy to protest the delicate treatment.

"If you so much as think about getting out of bed, Stiles, I swear..."

"Yeah, yeah I know you'll rip my throat out with your teeth, or something like that," Stiles said, interrupting him.  
For a moment it almost looked like the sourwolf was upset by the comment. But, before Stiles could make sure he wasn't seeing things, Derek's concrete mask was back in place.

"I didn't wake you up to argue," he growled, "you need to sleep, but your clothes are soaked and I am not letting you get pneumonia. Nor am I getting charged with child molestation because I changed you while you were unconscious."

"Don't call me a child," Stiles snapped, his patience with the entire situation growing very thin, “I’m eighteen. So it wouldn’t be child molestation, only regular molestation.” 

Apparently, he didn't know when to stop poking the bear, or in this case the wolf.  
But, to Stiles surprise he found a small, almost fond smile on Derek’s face. It was gone within the second, but it had been there.

"Stiles..." Derek eventually growled in response to his statement. The wolf’s Alpha red eyes flashed, but they had long since stopped scaring the boy.

Stiles gave him an eye roll, but relented.

"Fine, underwear is in the top drawer, sweatpants and T-shirts in the second."

If he was allowed to, Stiles would have gotten the clothes himself. But, he was half asleep, and too nauseous to get up no matter how big he talked.

Point one for Derek.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next time Stiles woke up it was the middle of the night. His window was open, and by sound alone, he could tell the rain was coming down in sheets.

Stiles told himself that the noise was what woke him up. Truthfully, he knew it wasn't the rain at all. 

No, what actually woke the boy was the now empty spot on the right side of his bed. And, a shadow that shot out of his window so fast, that if he pretended, Stiles could convince himself it was just the remains of a dream lingering around his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ill be posting twice tonight bc the shortness of the chapters which do get longer i promise


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one for tonight  
> All the love

_That was the day it started._

_If I had known the impact Derek would have on my life back then, maybe I would have stopped it. Maybe I wouldn't have let myself fall so hard for the stupid sourwolf.  
But, I didn't know. And events played out the way they had to, the way they were meant to..._

_I'm getting ahead of myself._

  
~~~~~~~~~~

After Stiles’s panic attack in the woods, he was glad to say everything went back to normal. Derek wanted Scott in his pack that now consisted of Boyd, Erica, and Isaac. Scott refused so he could be with Allison who was slowly being corrupted by her fucked up family. Jackson became a giant, deadly, lizard...thing. Lydia ended up being a banshee. And Stiles and Derek avoided each other like the plague.

Normal, simple.

But simple things couldn't just stay simple could they.   
Enter Gerard Argent. Allison's psycho, crazy, murderous grandfather. How did he fit into this? Well...

It was Christmas, and things finally started looking up. There hadn't faced any homicidal supernatural monsters in a month.  
That's right no witches, druids, unwanted werewolves, or kanimas...IN A MONTH. It was a record.

Not only that, but they had cured Jackson who was an official werewolf now

(“Oh, great, just what I wanted for Christmas.”

“Shut up Stilinski, or I’ll eat you.”)

Derek and Scott had finally come to an agreement where Scott was technically part of Derek's pack, but wasn't as tied down as the others. And the Argents had settled down for the holidays. Everything was ok, or so it seemed.

It was Friday afternoon, and Stiles was officially on Christmas break. The pack was gathered around him waiting for him to finish emptying his locker. Lydia was talking about the Christmas party she was throwing for the pack, and was basically threatening them all into coming.

Honestly, Stiles was pretty sure he wasn't even part of the pack. But, the way Lydia was talking made it very clear that if either Scott or Stiles didn't show up she would rip their genitals off of their bodies.

The power of Lydia Martin.

" ...remember it's at my house at 9:00 tonight." She was reminding everybody for the millionth time. They all groaned an understanding, and with a slight glare she continued to link arms with Allison and strut out of the school with Jackson in tow.

For the first time in his life Stiles realized that he really didn't want to go to the party. A party hosted by Lydia Martin no less...where she actually wanted him to come.

Scott's pat on the other boy’s back shook Stiles out of his teenage life crisis, and tuned him in to what his friend was saying.

" ...come over my house this afternoon?" Scott asked as they made their way to the exit, "then we can get ready and leave my house to go to Lydia's together."

Stiles snorted Scott sounded like a bad chick flic.

"I would love to 'get ready with you' Scott, but I have to make dinner for my dad first. I guess I'll just have to meet you at the party," Stiles said with a sarcastic sigh.

"Shut up," Scott grumbled, shoving Stiles playfully, clearly put out.

But, Scott wasn't upset for long as he continued to pick up the conversation where it left off.  
"Hey, do you think Derek's going to be there?" Scott asked. Stiles almost tripped over himself, feeling his heartbeat quicken at the name. Hopefully Scott, or any other werewolf in the vicinity, didn't notice.

"Doubt it," Stiles replied, trying to act normal.

Ever since the day in the woods a couple months ago, it felt like Stiles couldn't even hear Derek’s name without a shiver running down his spine. It wasn't that he was afraid Derek would tell the pack about his attack, because after that day the sourwolf barely talked to Stiles.

Which he should have be fine with, happy even.  
But, he wasn't.

Stiles expected by now that Derek would have teased him about what happened. That at least would have been normal. But, Derek not saying anything? That put Stiles on edge.   
The boy took a deep, calming breath and waved bye to Scott, who was still babbling on about who knew what. Then, they split to go to their separate vehicles.

Stiles almost screamed.

Immediately, he spotted his baby at the back of the parking lot, but that wasn't what caught the boy’s attention.  
Stiles blinked once and when he looked again, he was gone. But, Stiles knew what he had seen. Stiles would be able to spot that face in the middle of Times Square on New Year's Eve.

There was no doubt in his mind that the person who had been standing next to his beloved jeep was none other then Derek Hale.

Stiles pinched his forehead in frustration. He was not dealing with this shit right now.  
He just wanted to go home in peace.

~~~~~~~~~~

 _I never made it_ _home._


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT GETS VIOLENT JUST FYI  
> all the love

  
The first thing Stiles didn't remember was where he was and how in holy hell he got there.  
The boy also didn't recall being tied down to a chair with rope the width of his arm or why his whole body ached.  
He didn't know why there was blood dripping down his face, or why the room he was in was so dark, or why it smelled like dead mice.

The amount of things Stiles didn't know in that moment could have filled a book. And that scared him.

A sense of dread pooled in the pit of his stomach. This was wrong, all wrong.  
Stiles was supposed to be on break, hanging out with the pack, having fun. Not stuck in some random basement waiting for someone (or if he was really unlucky, something) to come have their way with him.  
Stiles desperately tugged at his restraints, trying to escape them. He pulled, and twisted, and jerked, but the ropes held.  
All the boy was doing was giving himself rope burn.

Stiles felt an overwhelming urge to kick himself for his stupidity. He wasn’t getting out of this mess easily.   
The pack wouldn't know he was missing until hours from now. His dad would come home in the afternoon for an hour or so before he had to go back to work. But, he would assume Stiles was at Scott's.   
Scott would assume Stiles was home.

Stiles wanted to scream in frustration. But, if someone was there with him, the probability of him wanting that person’s attention was an all time low.  
Stiles was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It seemed the only way out of the situation was to wait and hope someone found him.

Stiles clenched his teeth. Waiting was not something he did well.

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
An hour later, the suspense was going to kill Stiles long before any kidnapper would have the chance.  
Anxiety was building in his chest until he was choking on it, and sweat was pouring down his face. Stiles’s whole body was trembling, and more then anything he wanted to see a familiar face.

Just then, a door Stiles previously hadn’t noticed due to the darkness burst open, and a tall figure stepped in the room.  
The man, as he was about to find out, turned on a dim light before bolting the door behind him.  
There stood Gerard Argent.  
Not the familiar face Stiles was hoping for.

"Stiles is it?" The hunter asked in a gruff voice as he walked towards the boy. If he didn’t know what lurked behind the surface, Stile might have believed Gerard was a nice, old man. As it was, Stiles knew the truth,

The boy chose not to say anything, but conveyed his hatred through his eyes.

Gerard chuckled in a way that made Stiles’s skin crawl.

"Strong willed are we? That's fine. By the end of the night you'll be more then willing to talk."   
Stiles swallowed thickly, but kept eye contact. He was a hell of a lot stronger than the hunter was giving him credit for.

"Here's what's going to happen boy, I have questions about a certain Alpha and you're going to answer them."

"What do you want with said Alpha?"   
Stiles asked, planning to get as much information on the situation as possible. Plus he had never been too good with keeping his mouth shut. That was more Derek’s domain.

"Well, I have a score to settle," Gerard answered, turning his back to Stiles, he walked over to a table in the corner of the room. The foreboding sound of metal clanging against wood bounced off the walls.

“The more I know about the animal, the easier it will be to cut _him in half_." The hunter swung a knife through the air with deadly precision, as if to prove his point. 

"If you go anywhere near Derek I'll kill you myself," Stiles growled at the hunter, a wave of protectiveness sweeping over him.

The sudden need to defend the Alpha felt strange, but all Stiles knew was Gerard was threatening someone he gave a few shits about. And that was not something he took lightly.

Almost immediately, pain spread across Stiles’s right cheek like wildfire. The boy bit his lip to stop from making a sound, but a whimper echoed in the eerily silent room.  
Faster than Stiles thought possible for a man of his age, Gerard had crossed the room and punched him in the face.   
He then grabbed Stiles’s chin, forcing eye contact,"Respect your elders, boy."

"Nothing about you is worth respecting," Stiles spat back.  
  
Gerard chuckled with underlying rage.  
"You’ll regret saying that."

The hunter turned back to the wooden table, and picked up a sharper blade then the first. Stiles’s breathing grew heavy, and fear settled deep in his bones. The time for foreplay was over.

  
"Now tell me, boy, what is Derek's weakness," it was less of a question and more of a demand.

Even if he had known the answer, Stiles wouldn’t have said anything. No, instead the boy kept his mouth shut and held Gerard's gaze.

”Have it your way,” the hunter growled.

”You’re more of a monster then Derek could ever be,” was all Stiles said before it started.

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
A scream reverberated throughout the Argent house, but no one was around to hear it.

 

"DEREK..."


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mentions of torture and violence nothing is too graphic but still  
> Hope you enjoy  
> All the love

_I wanted it to end..._

_I couldn't take it anymore..._

_Please...someone make it stop..._

_Please..._

_Please..._

_Please..._

~~~~~~~~~~

_STOP..._

Stiles’s own scream of pain, brought him out of his head, and back into the present.

He didn't know how long it had been since Gerard started the madness, but it felt like an eternity. An eternity of pain.  
The bastard seemed to have an endless supply of ideas on how to torture people.   
If Stiles could find it in him to speak, he might've recommended the man a therapist or two.

As it was, Stiles could barely catch his breath.  
At the moment, the hunter was tearing through the boy’s paper like skin with a glowing knife.

"Tell me Derek's weaknesses, Stiles. Then this will all end," Gerard seethed.  
He wasn’t too pleased that even after so long, Stiles was refusing to speak.

Tears streaked down the boy’s face. It felt like he was being skinned alive.

Stiles didn't want to give Gerard the satisfaction of seeing him cry, or hearing him scream. But, the pain clouded all rational judgment until all Stiles could think of were ways for this to stop.

Of course, the only thing that would make it stop, was the one thing Stiles refused to do. Stiles was never going to give Gerard information on Derek.

And, for the literal life of him, he couldn’t figure out why.

Derek and Stiles had never exactly been on the best of terms. They definitely weren’t friends, and even the word acquaintances seemed to be pushing it.  
But, something in Stiles could not rat Derek out. Maybe he felt like he owed the alpha after the panic attack in the woods.   
At the moment he couldn't care less what the reason was. Stiles just wanted to go home.

But, Gerard kept slicing at his skin, and Stiles kept screaming. Nobody was coming. No one was going to get him out of this. The boy was stuck in the hands of a psycho.

Then he heard it.   
By the look of fear that briefly crossed the hunter’s face, Gerard heard it too. It was the sound of a wolf howling, and it wasn't just one wolf, oh no, it was an entire pack.  
In the heat of the moment, Stiles didn't even realize, he started laughing. Hysterically laughing.

"Now you've done it," Stiles said, sounding a step away from insane," you've managed to piss off every single wolf who lives in this town. Congratulations, it doesn't happen often."

  
The sound of running footsteps, or should he say paws, could be heard throughout the house. Gerard looked panicked, trying to find a way out. But, the only exit was through the door he had entered in. That was where the sounds of Stiles’s pack were getting closer and closer.

And then, they were there.

The first one through the door, was Derek. Stiles wanted to cry out in relief. Derek was already completely wolfed out. But, the minute he saw Stiles bloody, and beaten, he lost control all over again.  
The alpha let out a deafening roar that shook the foundation of the house, and lunged at Gerard. The rest of the wolves, Allison, and Lydia came rushing in after Derek.

Later, Stiles would be told that Scott untied him, and had tried to take him out of the room. The pack would say Stiles had refused to move, and the only thing he was saying (more like sobbing) was Derek's name over and over.

Stiles didn't remember any it.

All he could recall was watching Derek and Gerard go at each other.  
Although Derek was an alpha werewolf, Gerard was an experienced hunter.

At first, Derek had the upper hand since he got the drop on the elder man. But, it wasn't long before Gerard started putting up a fight. He gripped the knife in his hand with a vengeance, and had started taking swings at Derek. There were a couple growls of pain which let Stiles know Derek had been cut.  
But, Derek was fighting with a ferocity the boy had never seen in him before. Rather quickly, Gerard was pinned to the floor.  
  
"What are you going to do werewolf? Kill me," Gerard panted from under Derek's grasp.  
Derek let out a growl,"No, I'm not like you," with that he knocked the hunter out, and got up from the floor.

Stiles pushed himself away from Scott, and stumbled into Derek's arms.

  
"You’re ok now pup, you're safe I'm never letting you get hurt again," Derek whispered to Stiles as he clung onto him.   
Derek held the boy as tight as he could without irritating any injuries,"I'm so sorry pup, I'm so sorry."   
Stiles whimpered into him. Everything hurt and he wanted to sleep so badly, but he also didn't want to let Derek go.

To his horror, the decision was made for him.

All of a sudden, Derek started taking shaky breaths, and was shivering. Before Stiles knew what was going on, the alpha fell to the ground.

  
"Derek," Stiles cried out, and dropped to the floor beside him.  
He hadn't seen it before, but looking at Derek’s body there was a huge gash in his abdomen, and it wasn't healing.

"Get Deaton," Stiles immediately yelled at the pack who were trying to see what happened to their alpha.

“He's been poisoned with wolfsbane," Stiles explained, and made sure at least two people had left for help before breaking down.  
The boy cradled Derek against his body, not letting anyone near the alpha.

"No no no, I did not go through hours of torture for you to have you die...wake up Derek...wake up..."


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters are finally getting longer  
> All the love

Hours upon hours had gone by, but Stiles refused to leave. He was sitting in Deaton's waiting room...waiting.

Waiting for news that Derek was ok. The boy realized, in shock, that he needed Derek to be ok. Stiles had never felt such a raw emotion before, but all he knew was he wouldn't be able to live in a world were Derek didn't exist.  
When the pack first got Derek to Deaton, he had been rushed into the examination room, and Deaton had refused to let anyone follow him in. 

At first, Stiles had put up a fight. He would be damned if he was going to leave Derek’s side. The boy had done it all, kicked, screamed, fought, cried, but eventually he realized nothing was going to get him in that room.  
Stiles had proceeded to sit in a cushioned chair, and hadn't moved since. 

The pack had tried to force Stiles to go to the hospital, seeing as he injuries were so extensive. But, he wouldn't move. At one point, Scott was going to force Stiles to go.   
But, the idea of leaving Derek, of being far away from him had the boy shaking, scared.  
Stiles simply told Scott that he would never forgive his friend if he made him leave.

With tears of desperation in his eyes Scott nodded and sat next to Stiles in defeat.

At one point the pack had all been there, piled on top of eachother. They all needed to know if Derek would be ok...if Stiles would be ok.  
Stiles was ok. He told them that, and it was true. He may have been brutally beaten by a madman, but somehow Stiles found he wasn't lying when he said he was ok.

The part the boy didn't tell them was the only reason he was ok was because Derek was alive...for the time being. Stiles refused to think about what would happen if he wasn't...he didn’t know what he would do if…

Slowly, the pack started to head home. They didn't want to, but surprisingly it was Erica that convinced them to leave. She told them that Derek would rather have them get a good night's sleep then stay up worrying about him. Knowing Derek, she was right.

 

They decided to all sleep at Lydia's house, were a party was originally supposed to take place. How the night had changed.  
One by one they started to leave, until it was only Stiles left.  
The pack had tried to get him to go with them. Even Jackson had looked worried. But, Stiles declined every offer. He couldn't leave even if he wanted to.

That brought him to the present. 

Stiles, sitting alone in Deaton's office. Looking like an extra from a horror film, waiting to see if a werewolf...his werewolf was ok.

~~~~~~~~~~

Another hour later, the click of a door being opened made Stiles stand at attention. He was faced with a bleary eyed, worn down Deaton.

"You’re still here," the doctor stated sadly, Stiles nodded his head warily, "you should be at a hospital."

 

Stiles nodded again.

“I know," he croaked out.

Silence passed between the two, until the question the boy couldn’t hold back any longer burst out of him.

"Is he ok?" Stiles whispered, tears clouding his eyes.  
Before Deaton could answer the boy, a voice Stiles was afraid he’d never hear again called from behind the good doctor.

"For god’s sake Deaton, let him in now!"

Stiels was through the door in the matter of a second, pushing passed Deaton like he was nothing. 

Stiles’s breath caught in his throat the moment he laid eyes on Derek.

The alpha stood, calmly, leaning against the examination table. An arm was wrapped around his torso where a bandage covered the gash. Stiles had expected him to be sickly pale, gasping for breath, just something...anything worse than what it actually was. Derek's gaze held Stiles’s own, and the boy could feel burning hot tears running down his face.

"Come here, pup," Derek beckoned.   
He held out his arms and Stiles stumbled into them, being careful of the alpha’s abdomen. Stiles clung onto Derek like he was afraid he was going to disappear in a cloud of smoke. 

"I thought...I thought you were going t-to.." Stiles barely finished his sentence before Derek was shushing him, drawing the boy in closer, protecting him. The feel of the alpha’s solid body against Stiles’s own, grounded him. The boy felt safer then he had all day. 

 

"I'm so sorry. I tried to get Deaton to let you in sooner, but he hoped if you didn't see me there was a higher chance of you going to the hospital. For god's sake Stiles you should have gone to the hospital," Derek chastised him. Stiles didn't call him out in it, but he knew the alpha was crying too.

"Couldn't leave you," Stiles insisted, breathing Derek in. At first all the boy could smell was rubbing alcohol. But, taking a deeper breath, he could smell Derek's natural scent. Pine, rain, and a musk specific to Derek. It calmed Stiles until he was simply a weight being held up. 

But, all of a sudden blinding pain shot through Stiles, traveling up his spine, and to the ends of his fingertips and toes. Now that he knew Derek was safe, Stiles was able to realize how much pain he was actually in.

"Derek.." Stiles muttered,"take me to the hospital."   
The boy was losing consciousness in Derek’s arms, but he was awake enough to realize Derek had started yelling at Deaton for not letting Stiles see him sooner. If he had, they could have taken Stiles to the hospital hours ago.

"Are you saying," the boy muttered, angrily,"that you put me through hell and back for longer than necessary?"

Derek gulped,"I'll take you to the hospital now."

"When I'm more awake to talk to you, you are in so much trouble. Don't think you're getting out of this either Deaton, because I will come for you next."  
Stiles felt himself get lifted up by Derek to be taken to a car.

"Sleep, Stiles."   
The boy don't know if it was said more for Stiles’s sake or Derek’s own. But, he was too delirious to pick a fight, and Stiles fell asleep instantly.


	9. Chapter 8

  
_Things changed after that day. And for once, they changed for the better._

_Derek and I became almost inseparable since my kidnapping. We never seemed to be too far from each other, and we were always touching. Whether it was simply our feet slightly nudging, or full on cuddling, we were never apart._

_The only time we weren't together was when I was at school. Which I had now come to dread more than usual. Ever since I had seen Derek almost die, whenever I wasn't next to him memories of his blood plagued my mind.  
The thought of Derek getting hurt, and dying because I wasn't there to protect him had me in a constant state of fear and anxiety. Which I realized was stupid. He was an Alpha werewolf after all. I knew he was capable of taking care of himself. Yet, that fact didn't stop my mind from creating horrifying visions of Derek's death._

_At the end of the day, when the werewolf would come to pick me up from school, it was like taking a deep breath of air after drowning in the waters of my own mind. Derek was safe. That thought was the only thing that got me through life sometimes._

_  
I learned it wasn't just me feeling this way, either._

_Everyday after school, Derek would take me to his loft. There he would hold me as I did homework, and rambled on about things he probably didn't care about. Though he always made a point to try and participate in conversation. But one day, as I talked and talked, I realized Derek hadn't said anything. Not a word or even a grunt of acknowledgment, which was unusual for him. I had abruptly stopped whatever I was saying, feeling self-conscious.  
Derek had squeezed my waist, and asked,"What's wrong?"_

_At first I didn't reply, but Derek asked again sounding worried and I knew I had to say something._

_"Sorry if I'm...boring you. Despite popular belief, I realize it’s annoyingly when I ramble," I whispered._

_Derek had growled, and flipped me over on the couch so he had me pinned to the sofa._

_"Don't you ever put yourself down Stiles, ever." He then said something that had surprised me,"When you’re at school...and I can't be with you... I'm always afraid something might happen to you. I've always been afraid of that. At times I have to wait outside the school building and look for you in the windows to make sure you’re safe. When I have you with me again, the sound of your voice...soothes me." He said a bit embarrassed,"I get lost in your voice, I could listen to it all day and never get tired of it."  
I was shocked, surprised by Derek's confession. And, as I looked the werewolf in the eyes I had the urge to kiss him. I wanted to feel what his lips felt like against mine. But, Derek flipped us around before I got the nerve to, and we went back to our routine like nothing had happened._

_Our codependency got to the point that even at night we no longer slept alone. One of the first nights after Gerard, I had a horrifying nightmare..._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

 

His eyes opened, but he couldn't see a thing. Wherever he was, it was pitch black, and the air was damp and cold. Stiles tried to get up and search for a light switch, but his arms were tied down by unbreakable rope. The boy pulled at his restraints until his wrists were cut up and bleeding. Stiles was out of breath, and still stuck.

"Stiles..." came a desperate voice from the darkness,"help...please...don't let me die."

Stiles’s breathing came fast, this was all too familiar. Memories of pain, and broken screams flashed through his mind. With a sharp intake of breath Stiles knew where he was...Argent’s basement.

But, the voice, that was calling out for help, wasn't his. A spot light illuminated the floor before Stiles, and a familiar body lay on the ground, restrained.

"Help Stiles... Don't let me die." Blood dripped from his face, and his eyes were swollen shut. Deep gashes sliced through his abdomen, and Stiles was fairly sure his shoulder was dislocated. But, even through all his wounds, there was no doubt in the boy’s mind the person on the floor was Derek Hale.

With his last ounce of strength Stiles fought the ropes, now with more purpose. But it was in vain. Out of the shadows stepped Gerard Argent, with a dagger doused in wolfsbane. He looked at Stiles with his cold, unforgiving eyes and spoke,"It's too late now, you can't save him."  
Gerard brought the knife down on Derek's back.

  
That's when Stiles started screaming.

"Stiles," Derek called his name. But, Stiles couldn't help him.

  
"Stiles," he called again.

"STILES!"'

~~~~~~~~~~

Stiles’s eyes bolted open, and he gasped, letting oxygen enter his lungs once more. The boy’s body was shaking, and he was drowning in his own sweat.

"Thank god," mumbled a voice.

Stiles looked to his left, and lay eyes on none other then Derek Hale. The werewolf had bags under his eyes, and looked terribly worried. But, besides that there was no damage.

  
"You're ok," Stiles whimpered in relief. The boy sat up in bed so he could throw his arms around Derek. The werewolf didn’t hesitate before pulling Stiles flush against him.

"I-I had a dream where you got hurt, Stiles, and when I woke up I had to check on you to make sure you were ok. Seems like I wasn't the only one with nightmares," Derek muttered into the boy’s shoulder. Stiles huffed out a broken laugh.

"Don't leave me again sourwolf."

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

_Derek Hale soon became the center of my world...and, for once, I wasn't scared._


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end finally  
> All the love

_But, nothing could stay perfect forever._

_All too soon, something else came to town. Something much worse than any hunter._

_The Alpha Pack._

_Made up of five experienced Alphas, it was by far the most terrifying thing we had faced yet. Leading them was Deucalion, providing a heart as cold as stone, and literal killer instincts. Then there was Kali, who was surprisingly dense (seeing as she followed Deucalion so unquestionably) for having such sharp claws. Next would be the twins, who combined themselves into one superior Alpha Werewolf. Leaving Ennis, Kali's accomplice, whose real weapon was his fists. On there own, each was a force to be reckoned with. Together, they proved unstoppable._

_All too quickly, our lives were being overrun by what seemed like an impenetrable force. Deucalion and his puppies always seemed to be one step ahead of us. They always knew our course of action, sometimes even before we did._

_No matter how much we tried, we were losing the war. We swore we would protect Beacon Hills, but every day it seemed more and more innocent people were dead._

_That's when the day came._

_The day were we outsmarted the Alpha Pack. The Hale Pack, a bunch of teenagers, defeated a pack of supernatural creatures who were invincible. I was supposed to be happy that day, but instead of relief all I felt was gut wrenching heartbreak._

_This was the day. The day where everything changed. The day my heart was ripped into little pieces.  
This was the day my worst nightmares came true._

  
~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Derek Hale don't you dare!" Stiles demanded as he slammed the door to Derek’s room.   
At that point it was more like their room seeing as Stiles’s clothes were scattered across the floor, and a stack of video games were piled at the end of the bed.

The Pack was downstairs, meaning it didn't matter if Stiles closed the door or not, they would be able to hear. But, he felt it necessary to prove his point that what Derek signed himself up to do was incredibly stupid.  
The werewolf in question ran his fingers through his hair, exasperated, and turned around to face the human.

"Stiles.." he tried to interject, but was quickly down.

  
"Don't you even try to make me see things your way, you self centered bastard. There is no way I will ever be ok with this, and no way in HELL I am letting you go through with it. Even if that means I have to drug you with wolfsbane, and chain you to a chair with a circle of mountain ash around you."

  
"St-" he tried to cut in again, but the boy was on a roll.

"I mean, are you fucking suicidal? Is that what this is about? Are you depressed? Because I know some decent therapists Der. And, at least depression would mean you’re not thinking clearly, and maybe I could get through to you, make you see reason," Stiles could feel himself losing control, and he knew his face was bright red. But, he couldn't stop the words spilling from his mouth.

"Because, if you are thinking clearly? That means there is no way I could talk you out of it because you’re stubborn streak is full proof. And if I can't talk you out of it you’re going to die. And-and you can't die Derek, y-you can't leave me all alone. I don't care if I-It's considered s-selfish, if it is then I'll gladly take the title Most Selfish Person in the World b-because I can't l-"

"STILES," Derek yelled, making the boy fall silent. He looked determined, but Stiles could see his resolve breaking as he took in his human’s appearance.  
Fat tears were running down Stiles’s tomato red face, and he had to wipe the snot from his nose with Derek's oversized leather jacket that he had come to wear more often than not. Stiles was shaking violently from head to toe, and felt he might pass out from the lack of oxygen.

Nonetheless, Stiles glared into Derek’s deep brown eyes, begging him not to do what Stiles already knew he was going to. The werewolf merely shook his head and opened his arms,"Come here pup."

Stiles burst into tears, and ran into Derek’s arms. It was then the boy knew nothing he said was going to change the werewolf’s mind.

Stiles held onto Derek tight, breathing him in, hoping his presence would forever be burned into the human’s brain.

With little resistance from Stiles, Derek picked him up, and laid him down on the bed. Quickly, he covered the boy’s body with his own. For a few minutes the two simply laid there while Stiles calmed down. Occasionally they would hear the sound of running water and arguing, letting them know the pack was still downstairs.

Derek pressed a soothing kiss to Stiles’s temple. It was something that had become normal in their, probably unhealthy, codependent... relationship.

For the first time, Stiles took a moment to think about what they were. They were friends, best friends...but somehow that wasn't the word he would use to describe them.   
They were more than that...at the time Stiles didn't know what...but he knew that whatever they had was more somehow.   
It was a bond so unbreakable, nothing could come between the two. Something so rare and beautiful everything was dull in comparison.

  
"Stiles...Stiles," Derek whispered to the boy, pulling him out of his thoughts,"I lost you for a second, got worried." The werewolf said in way of explanation, Stiles simply nodded. He knew that if he tried to speak he would start to cry again.

Stiles could feel Derek's worried growl vibrating into his own chest.

"Don't be like this...please," he said, "Don't pull away from me. I-I hate when you do that, it feels like I've done something wrong."

Just like that Stiles was angry again.

  
"You're a hypocrite," the human spat, "Because you're doing the same thing to me. You're pulling away, you're planning to do something without listening to me. Without understanding that if you die, I will go out of my fucking mind."

Derek's eyes started to water. That was one of Stiles’s big weaknesses, as he had quickly found out.   
Derek hated when Stiles was in distress, especially when he was the one to cause it.

"I'm sorry Stiles...only I can do this. You know that," he tried to reason with the boy.

"No, you’re not," Stiles argued, “Anyone could do it, hell I could do it.”  
Derek saw the exact moment the idea popped into Stiles’s head.

“Derek, I can do it. Wolfsbane doesn't harm me, and I'm fast. I can switch the flip and be out-"

"NO," Derek roared.

And he meant that quite literally.

Derek pinned Stiles’s arms above his head, and the werewolf’s eyes glowed bright red.   
Stiles was startled. The only time he had seen Derek in true Alpha mode, outside of battles, was when Erica almost broke Stiles’s wrist while they were wrestling over a slice of pizza.   
Derek had completely flipped out, throwing Erica across the room, and not letting anyone near his boy until he knew Stiles was ok.  
  
"There is no way you are being put in that much danger, if you weren't so stubborn you wouldn't be part of this plan at all. I made a promise to you, and me, that I would keep you safe Stiles, and I've already failed once. I am never letting it happen again." He growled, angry at the mere idea. Stiles could only stare defiantly, keeping perfect eye contact.

  
"You don't think I made the same promise?" Stiles whispered furiously. Derek's eyes flashed back to brown, and his hold on the boy’s wrists loosened. He was shocked. He clearly had never thought that someone would care for him like that, and it broke Stiles into a million pieces.

"I made a promise to protect you, and trust me I know that it's stupid. You're an Alpha you can protect yourself much better than I ever could. But, don't you dare think it's going to stop me from trying."

  
Before Stiles could take another breath, Derek's lips were on his own. The werewolf was hesitant at first, barely moving, waiting for the human’s reaction.

It took Stiles a mere second to get over his shock. Stiles reached his hands around Derek’s neck and pulled the werewolf down closer.   
Then, Derek’s lips crashed into Stiles’s own. They were slightly chapped, but also soft and soothing. Derek easily took control of the kiss, pressing into the boy’s mouth until all he could think of was the werewolf. It was urgent, but tender, and it said the words that they couldn't.   
Stiles told Derek he needed him. Derek told Stiles the same thing.

Needing to breath, Stiles pulled away, unwillingly that it was. Derek's face was flushed, his eyes glassy, and his hair a mess from the human’s insistent tugging. He was beautiful.

  
"I'm sorry," Derek whispered.

"I know," Stiles whispered back.

They spent their last night together, cuddling, and kissing, dreading what would come the next day.

  
~~~~~~~~~

  
 _You see, the plan was to lure the Alphas into the hospital, the bait being Scott, and lock them in._  
Most of the packs job, was to spend all day evacuating the hospital so no innocent people were harmed. Once the Alphas were in the hospital, we would put down mountain ash to stop them from escaping. That was the easy part.  
All day Lydia and I had been working on a way to create the most deadliest form of wolfsbane powder. After four hours and help from Deaton we managed to make a concoction that took less than three minutes to start taking effect by air travel. Before the Alphas got there we would put wolfsbane in all the air vents. We trap the Alphas, turn on the air conditioning, and the Alphas would quickly be taken care of.

_Only problem was that the one way to access the venting system was from inside the hospital._

__  
Someone had to stay inside to turn on the vents, and had to get out before the Alphas found them or the wolfsbane took effect.  
That was the most dangerous part of the mission.  
That was the part where one false move meant you were dead.  
Only an idiot would volunteer.

_That idiot was Derek Hale._

 


	11. Chapter 10

Five twenty-eight...

 

Five twenty-nine...

 

Five thirty...

  
 _One hour left_ , Stiles thought to himself, feeling his pulse quicken. One hour left until Stiles’s world stopped.

The boy sat alone in the waiting area of the eerily quiet hospital. He was watching the seconds tick by on a clock hanging on the wall.  
  
They said that if you watch a clock, time moves slower.  
  
Whoever they were had no idea what they were talking about.

In fact, for the entire time he’d been sitting there (which had been quite some time mind you) time seemed to be moving faster.

Faster.

Faster.  
  
_Not enough time_ , a nagging voice in the back of Stiles’s head reminded him. Not enough time for Stiles, certainly not enough time for Derek.

The boy’s fists clenched as he pushed the unwanted thought from his mind. It seemed only minutes ago Stiles was helping evacuate the hospital. Rolling wheelchairs and stretchers down ramps while the elderly in them bitched about the ‘bumps’ in the pavement.   
Patients had even gone as far as yelling when Stiles hadn’t entertained their complaints.

But, he didn't care about their minor discomforts. He couldn’t even _pretend_ to care. All Stiles had wanted to do in that instance was yell right back at them.

 _'He's going to die. He's going to leave me. Don't you understand that?'_  
  
But he didn't. Stiles couldn't bring himself to say those words. So, he held back tears and apologized.

What he would do to turn back time. But, Stiles couldn't. He could only sit and wait.  
Wait for the Alphas to arrive.  
Wait for the line of mountain ash to lock them in.   
Wait for the air vents to turn on.   
Wait as the wolfsbane took effect and killed them.   
All of them.

"Stiles..."

  
A calm, female voice startled Stiles out of his thoughts. The boy turned and saw Lydia Martin looking at him, pity sitting heavy in her hazel eyes.   
She seemed to know nothing she could say would change anything. Thankfully, she knew better then to try.   
Lydia looked at Stiles in a way that said if the worst happened, when the worst happened, the pack would be there to try and piece him back together.

In a way, Stiles hated that look. They all looked at him like Derek was already dead.

"It's time," she whispered. But, no matter how quiet she was, her words bounced off the walls and ricocheted in Stiles’s brain. It made him want to scream.

Yet, he managed to force himself out of the chair. His mouth was dry, like all the moisture was being saved for when he couldn’t hold back tears anymore. Eventually, it would all come out in a flood, until he was drowning in it.

  
Lydia outstretched her hand, and Stiles took hold of it, knowing if she wasn't there to support him he would collapse.

Stiles looked back at the clock.

Six thirty.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Stiles’s feet felt like lead as he walked with Lydia to the hideout. They were going to an abandoned building directly across from the hospital. It was far enough away that the Alphas wouldn't notice it, but close enough that if something went wrong the pack would be able to help.  
Stiles’s breath was coming too quickly, and he was a shaky, clammy mess.

If Lydia noticed, she was nice enough not to say anything.

Stiles didn't know what to do. He couldn't let Derek go in that building, he couldn't sit by idly and watch as his sourwolf died. But, there was nothing the boy could do stop it. At least nothing Derek would let him do.

The two stepped into the rusty old building, where the rest of the pack was sitting in silence.  
Isaac, Erica, and Boyd all looked up as they entered. Scott and Allison were gone, meaning the plan was already in motion.

  
Stiles looked around again, and felt a lump rise in his throat.

"Where is he?" The human asked. They knew who he was talking about, but no one answered.

  
The four looked around nervously, trying to avoid Stiles’s gaze. The boy felt fear grip his heart.  
  
"Where is he?" Stiles asked again, clenching his fists.

Lydia placed her hand on the boy’s shoulder,"Maybe you shouldn't see him Stiles. Wait till it's all over-"  
Stiles looked at her with murder in his eyes.

"Where is he!" He demanded, cutting her off.

"I'm right here, assuming you were talking about me."

Stiles whipped his head to the side, feeling relief wash over him as Derek stepped into the room from a connecting hallway. The werewolf stood with a small smile on his face, his hands shoved into his pockets like he didn’t have a care in the world.

All of a sudden, Stiles felt rage boil in him until he was convinced he was bubbling over.

"You’re unbelievable you know that?" The boy demanded.

The smile dropped from Derek’s face, and he turned to address the pack, “Maybe you should step outside.”   
Their friends nodded and filed out the door quickly.

As soon as the door closed, Stiles let all the words he had been holding in pour out of his mouth.  
"How dare you stand there and make jokes, Derek Hale. You’re about to kill yourself, and you act like nothing's wrong? Do you realize how terrified I am that I'm never going to see you again? You have the audacity to act like everything's sunshine and fucking rainbows, because you have no idea what I'm feeling right now."   
That got him going all right.

"Believe it or not," it was the first time Stiles had seen Derek angry this entire day, and a sick, twisted part of the human liked it,"I know exactly how you feel! I'm not afraid to die Stiles, but you know what I am afraid of? Losing you," the anger slipped out of his voice, replaced by fear.  
"If I die I lose you, and that terrifies me to no end."

Derek ran a hand through his hair. A gut wrenching look was plastered across the werewolf’s face as he slid down the wall he was leaning against so he was on the floor.

Stiles didn't know what to feel. Ashamed maybe? Or angry? He found he didn't care.

All Stiles knew was that if this was going to be their last time together, he didn't want to spend it fighting. The human walked over to Derek and took a seat besides him.  
The werewolf looked away from Stiles, still angry. Stiles sighed before leaning his head on Derek’s shoulder.  
  
"I'm sorry," the boy whispered.

Derek turned his head to look at Stiles. To the boy’s surprise, tears were steadily rolling down the werewolf’s face.   
Stiles brought his hand slowly, using his thumb to wipe away stray tears. When the boy went to pull away, Derek grabbed his hand. The alpha held the appendage to his face for a moment before bringing it down to could kiss the back of it.

"What happens now?" Stiles asked, unwillingly breaking the silence.

Derek intertwined their fingers before answering,"I try not to die."  
He leaned in to give Stiles a kiss, but got interrupted by Erica.

"Derek you should head inside now, we're about to make the mountain ash circle."  
Derek nodded, getting up, and pulling Stiles along with him. Reluctantly, the two followed Erica outside. Everything felt too real.

Stiles followed Erica and Derek as far as he could before he couldn't continue. Derek turned to say goodbye.

"I'll be back before you know it, pup," the werewolf said using the stupid nickname for the boy he knew Stiles was secretly fond of.  
"You better, sourwolf," Stiles said, using the nickname he knew Derek wasn't fond of.

Nonetheless, Derek smiled.

Stiles took a deep breath, nodding, then let go of Derek’s hand so he could walk away.  
But, before he could get far, Derek stopped. The werewolf turned back to Stiles, and started running with a wild look in his eyes. Stiles scrunched his face up in confusion.

He barely had time to brace himself before Derek crashed into him. The werewolf picked his human up and spun him around before kissing the daylights out of him. Stiles didn't know how long they stood there for, but it wasn't long enough.

Derek pulled away and looked Stiles in the eye, leaving the boy beyond breathless.

"What was that for?" Stiles asked.

  
"That was for the fact that I’m madly in love with you, and this was the only way I could properly tell you." Derek told him before turning around to sprint to the hospital.

Stiles watched him go, in shock. Derek Hale was in love with him.  
Derek Hale was in love with Stiles Stilinski.

And Stiles Stilinski loved him too.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_I hoped, one day, I would be able to say those words back to him._

 

 


	12. Chapter 11

  
_At that exact moment, the moment Derek ran off after telling me he loved me, I knew he would live. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my heart, and I could breathe easily for the first time in forever._

_Because there was no way Derek was going to die now. That was just the way it was going to be. Fate couldn't be that cruel. Hadn't I lived through enough pain? Enough suffering?  
Derek telling me he loved me, and running off before I could say it back, was fates way of saying I could hold on to this one. This one was mine._

_Because Derek Hale was not dying until he knew I loved him._

\----------

Derek was going to live.  
Derek was going to _live_.

Stiles felt so happy he could have done ten cartwheels and a backflip and not given a damn that he had broken his neck because Derek was coming back to him.

As Stiles watched the werewolf run off, a smile spread across his face and he ran his hands through his hair. No one was deserving of the pain of losing someone before they could confess their love. Even Stiles didn't have that horrible luck. There was no other option, Derek was coming back to him.

Stiles felt a hand start rubbing his back soothingly, comfortingly, but he kindly shook it off no longer needing to be consoled. Stiles turned around to face Erica and started pulling her back to the safe house, incessantly. He wanted this night to be over fast so he could be with Derek again.

"Stiles?" Erica asked, not realizing the good news,"are you going to be ok?"

The human turned to her, and gave her a hug. He squeezed her so tight she was lifted off the ground. When Stiles put her down, her hair was frizzy and she looked dumbfounded. Stiles only laughed, she didn't know why everything had changed.

  
"Derek told me he loved me," Stiles said not able to hold it in.

At that, a look of shock passed the blond’s face, before anger took its place.   
"How could he do that to you? That bastard. How could he drop a bomb on you like that and walk off? I know you don't want to hear this Stiles, but what if he doesn't make it and-"

"No, no," the boy said cutting her off,"you don't understand. Derek said he loved me and I didn't say it back, so therefore he can't die. He can't die until I say it back."

Tears welled in Erica’s eyes, confusing the boy. This was good news. Derek was safe.  
"Oh Stiles," she said, horrified,"that....that's not how life works. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want you to get hurt either. There is a...very real chance something might happen."  
Stiles’s face fell and his happiness dimmed. She didn't understand.  
  
"I know how life works, Erica," he said, trying to hold back any venom in his voice. Stiles knew she was only trying to look out for him.

“Everything I have ever cared about has been taken from me. I have suffered through things you will never understand," she flinched at that,"but this time it's different. I know it is."   
The werewolf fell silent after that as the two walked back to the safe house, entering through the doors to see the rest of the pack.

They all had the same pitying look on their faces, but Stiles didn't feel liking telling them that Derek was going to be fine. They would probably doubt him, too. So, the boy walked past them, and went to sit away from them.

  
Stiles pulled Derek's leather jacket tighter around him as he sat down, comforted by its presence. Derek would be back with him soon. Then Stiles was going to hit him over the head for scaring him so badly. And after, he’d kiss the living daylights out of the werewolf. And then make sure he knew he was the center of Stiles’s universe and that Stiles loved him with every inch of his being. And then maybe slap Derek again just in case he ever thought about putting himself in life threatening situations again.

Stiles was lost in daydreaming he almost didn't notice Erica until they were face to face.   
The boy looked at her with a small smile, so she knew he didn't blame her for what she said before. Stiles knew what he said was hard to believe, but he also knew it was true.

"Just know," she said with a croak in her voice,"that no matter what happens we love you and will be here for you."  
Stiles noticed the rest of the pack had congregated around the two of them and were all nodding in agreement. Even Jackson.  
  
"He's going to be fine, I promise," Stiles insisted. But, before anyone could say anything, Isaac spoke up.

"The Alpha's...they're here."

~~~~~~~~~~

The pack made a mad dash to the window, eager to see events unfold. They were all hoping beyond hope that they would come out victorious, and that everyone made it out alive.  
  
They watched as Scott sprinted across the empty parking lot, completely wolfed out with a trail of blood on his arm. But, it looked like the wound was in the process of healing. He sprinted through the front door of the hospital just as the Alphas came barreling through the trees looking as feral as ever.  
Once Scott was inside he would sneak out through the back door while Allison went around the hospital filling in the holes in the mountain ash circle that allowed Scott entrance and exit.

The Alphas had just barged into the hospital when the pack saw Scott sprinting to the safe house. A figure that could only be Allison was making a mad dash for the barrier, where she was effectively finishing off the circle.

  
As soon as Stiles knew the Alphas were trapped inside, he pushed his way out of the door and ran to the hospital doors.  
Stiles quickly surpassed Scott who tried to grab him, but the boy slipped out of his friend’s reach.

"Stiles," Scott called but he didn't turn back. Now, that Stiles saw Scott was safe, he wasn't even a speck on his radar.

It was up to Derek now.  
Stiles’s werewolf was trapped in the hospital with a bunch of lunatics, and had three minutes to get out before he died along with them.

Which wasn't going to happen, Stiles reminded himself. The boy was determined to be the first thing Derek saw when he made it.

Stiles stopped running as he reached the edge of the mountain ash circle, getting as close to it as he could without stepping over it. Stiles crossed his fingers as he watched the door.

 _Any second now_ , Stiles reminded himself, not daring to look at his watch to see how much time Derek had left. Any minute...

And then, relief.

Stiles was able to see Derek running to the exit, the neck of his shirt was pulled over his mouth and nose.  
But, Stiles’s excitement was short lived.

Something was wrong, he could tell. Derek was swaying from side to side as if he was dizzy, and his running was more like hobbling. The wolfsbane was getting to him, Stiles realized with horror as the werewolf almost fell into the receptionist's desk.  
  
"Derek!" Stiles couldn't help but call for him, trying to give him the strength to keep going. Pleading with him to keep going.  
  
"Derek," he shouted again, sounding a bit hysterical. But, if the sourwolf kept slowing down he wasn't going to make it...

  
"DEREK!" Stiles screamed for him, and Derek looked up. It felt like there was a string between the two, tying them together. A string that could never fray, or be cut, or break. A string that made sure Derek was coming back to Stiles.

As soon as the werewolf saw his human, a burst of energy erupted from him, forcing him to move faster and faster. Whatever was happening was frantic and desperate and scary, but it was working.

A couple more steps and Derek would have been out of there.

That's when Stiles saw him. From behind Derek, the boy saw the shaking, weakened, heaving form of Deucalion raising his clawed hand to strike. It was plain as day to see, the lead alpha knew he wasn't going to make it, he knew he was going to die, and if he was going to die, he was taking Derek down with him.

"DEREK!" Stiles screamed one more time, this time in pure terror.  
Stiles saw Derek's eyes go wide with confusion, just as Deucalion's hand came down on him.

  
"NO!"

Stiles tried to dash forward, not caring about the mountain ash line, not caring that Deucalion was still standing, not caring about anything but Derek. But, someone grabbed onto the boy tight, pulling him back and not letting him go.

No no no no no.  
Stiles didn't know if he said it out loud or not but it was the only word the human was able to process.   
Stiles struggled and fought with all his might. He knew he had to get out of whose ever arms he was in. But, the hold wouldn't budge.

"Stiles, stop struggling, please. I can't let you go not until we know it's safe," the boy heard Scott's worried voice in his ear.

"No, no, no, no," Stiles whispered, blinking back tears.

Derek wasn't dead yet, he chastised himself.

As he looked back at the door, he realized Deucalion wasn't either.   
An odd sensation of hope spread through Stiles at the sight of the alpha. If Duecalian was alive, that meant Derek still had a chance. The wolfsbane hadn't taken its full effect. Stiles fought harder against his best friend's hold, realizing more than ever that he needed to get to Derek.

But, Deucalion bent down, causing the boy to panic when he realized the alpha was coughing, more like violently hacking. When he straightened, Stiles saw blood dripping from Deucalion’s mouth, and cried out once more.  
  
"Let me go!"  
If he was getting worse, then so was Derek.

As if Duecalian knew Stiles was watching him, his head whipped up and the two made eye contact. Stiles tried to convey every ounce of hatred he felt for the man through his eyes. But, the man only looked at the human, puzzled. Then, he looked from Stiles to Derek, then back to Stiles, then back to Derek.  
Realization spread over his ugly features, like he had figured out a particularly difficult crossword puzzle. Deucalion turned to Stiles with a knowing smirk.

Bastard, another word that was crystal clear in the boy’s head.   
Then, to Stiles’s horror, Deucalion's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell to the ground.

"DEREK!"

Whether it was strength, or Scott letting Stiles go, he never found out. Stiles sprinted for the hospital. The mountain ash blew away before him like it knew to get out of his way.

  
"Please just don't let him be dead, you promised."  
Stiles didn't know who he thought was listening, but someone had to be. It didn't matter if it was fate, or the wind rustling through the trees, someone had to be listening.   
Stiels threw open the door to the hospital, barely noticing Deucalion's body, and made a beeline for Derek. The human didn't waste time looking too closely at any injuries, and threw Derek’s arm over his own shoulder. Stiles used all his strength to pick the werewolf up so they could get out of there.

"Come on sourwolf, work with me," Stiles pleaded, as they stumbled to the door. Yet, Derek didn't make a sound. Stiles tried not to think to hard on that.

The boy took in a deep, shuddering breath and realized the air was getting thicker and thicker with the sweet scent of wolfsbane. Though he knew it wouldn't affect him, it made Stiles want to puke.

The human continued struggling with Derek's limp body until he banged open the door with his foot, almost crying in relief when the fresh air hit his nose.

"We made it...Derek you fucking idiot...we made it... It's over," Stiles panted, pressing his nose into the werewolf’s shoulder, waiting for him to start moving.   
Stiles wanted Derek to hug him, kiss him, tell him he loved him. That Stiles was an idiot for ever doubting Derek’s ability to live...but it never came.

All the adrenaline left the boy with one big whoosh as fear settled in his gut. Stiles’s knees buckled and he fell to the ground Derek's weight too much to hold. He could feel himself start to shake as Derek's limp body hit the pavement.

"Derek get up," Stiles said quietly at first as he cupped the werewolf’s cheek. He refusing to believe what his eyes were telling him was true.

"Derek Hale get up," Stiles ordered again shaking Derek’s shoulders, but still those beautiful eyes did not open.  
  
"GET UP," the human screamed, slapping Derek with all his might. But, the werewolf did not move.  
  
"You promised you absolute asshole you PROMISED," Stiles heard myself screaming over and over again, but wasn't able to make the connection that the sound was coming out of his mouth.   
Surely that couldn’t be him. It couldn't be Stiles. It must be someone else that sounded like their heart was getting ripped from their chest.  
  
"You told me you would protect me, you promised," Stiles screamed at Derek's unmoving body, not wanting to stay next to it, not being able to leave it.

And all the tears he had been holding back came flooding down his face like a storm.

"NO NO NO! Please, not Derek please."   
The boy saw his friends gathering, but paid them no mind. The heartbreak pouring out of him was too much to bare.

"You can't do this to me, you were supposed to be ok because I didn't tell you I..."

  
Stiles never told Derek. Stiles loved him, Derek never knew. He couldn’t be gone because he didn’t know. The human threw himself onto Derek's body, and kissed the werewolf’s cold, non responding lips.

"I love you," Stiles whispered praying that Derek’s eyes would open, praying that it was enough.

  
"Derek Hale I love you. You...you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I told you I couldn’t live without you and it's true. You make me happy, so ridiculously happy with your stupid face and your stupid brooding attitude, and how you act like you don't care when I know for a fact that you care so deeply it scares you sometimes. How you always make sure I'm eating, and how you hold me together when I feel like I'm falling apart. How you make me laugh so hard my sides hurt, how you’re always taking care of me and loving me even when I don't love myself. And Derek Fucking Hale I love you...please...don't leave me."

But as time went by and he didn't open his eyes, Stiles knew he was too late. He knew then that fate didn't care that it wasn't fair that Derek never knew Stiles loved him. Life was cruel. Apparently that was a lesson someone thought Stiles needed to be taught over and over again until it destroyed him.

Because Derek Hale...

~~~~~~~~~~

_Was dead._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done  
> And if you’ve fotten this far You’ll definitely want to stick around for the ending  
> All the love


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning for some sexual content but it doesnt go far and its not in detail and its all concentual

_Life was cruel, apparently that was a lesson someone thought I needed to be taught over and over again until it destroyed me._

_Because Derek Hale Was...._

_Was..._

_Was..._

~~~~~~~~~~

Tears started to blur Stiles’s vision, until finally a few stray drops spilled over marking the page he was on.

  
Even writing the words was painful, but Stiles wanted, no needed to do it.   
He never wanted to forget this part of his life, even though it hurt like hell. Just because it was painful didn't mean it didn't happen. Just because it was painful didn't mean Stiles wanted to forget it.  
And so he wrote.

  
He wrote to make sure he could never be forgotten...so that Derek would never be forgotten. He filled the pages of an old leather bound notebook, with the history of the people he loved most in the world. Stiles had covered the book head to toe in words, each one meaningful in themselves. Most of the book he tried to fill with happy memories, but it felt like an insult to leave out the bad ones even when they brought him pain.   
Pain was good sometimes, it meant you were alive.

"Damnit," Stiles whispered to himself as he realized his tears had made the ink run. He placed the book and pen down on the bed and used the sleeve of his shirt to dry his eyes.

"Stiles?" Came a familiar concerned voice from the door.

Stiles head shot up and he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. There, standing in the hallway was none other than Derek Hale, Stiles's husband. The one person in life who never failed to make Stiles happy.  
But, his smile didn't deter Derek when he noticed the tear stains on his husbands cheeks.

"What's wrong pup?" He asked making his way to the bed, using the nickname Stiles had come to love (though he would never tell Derek that, even if he had a sneaking suspicion Derek already knew).   
Derek flopped down on top of Stiles, and gave him a big wet kiss on the cheek.  
Laughing, Stiles pushed at Derek's chest trying to make him move.

"Get off me you big oaf," he said, lovingly.

"Not until you tell me why you were crying," Derek insisted.

Stiles gave him an annoyed look, but eventually agreed when he became lightheaded from the lack of air. Even then Derek only flipped them over so Stiles was on top instead of him.

  
"Now, tell me what's wrong," Derek demanded once they had both gotten comfortable.  
"Nothing's wrong Der, I promise," Stiles said honestly. Derek looked like he was about to protest, but Stiles wouldn't let him.

  
"Seriously, sourwolf nothing’s wrong. I-I was going to keep this a secret until it was done, but seeing as you’re not going to budge unless you know I'm ok…”

"Damn right I'm not," Derek murmured causing Stiles to slap him lightly on the shoulder.

“I'll show you now," the human finished.

Stiles reached over Derek to the other side of the bed where the notebook lay discarded.

  
"This," Stiles began while he sat up to straddle Derek's chest,"is a sort of...time capsule I guess you could say."  
He indicated to the book.  
"I've been writing in it for a couple weeks now, filling it with our story. How we met, us becoming friends, us becoming more than friends if you know what I mean."

"Trust me I know what you mean," Derek said with a smirk as he slapped Stiles ass, causing Stiles to blush all different shades of red. The younger man glared, and with a huff of laughter Derek gestured for him to continue.

"Anyway, you pervert ("Your pervert." "Oh my god I've officially corrupted Derek Hale." "Oh shut up.") I was writing about the time that...well..."   
Even seven years later Stiles had a hard time talking about it, even though Derek and he had spent hours with each other discussing the events.

Not feeling capable enough to say what needed to be said without tears, Stiles flipped open the book to the last page he wrote in and passed it to his husband. Derek gave him a quizzical look before taking the book and began reading it.  
Stiles watched as Derek's eyes widened with understanding as he skimmed the page. When he was done he closed the book and set it aside again, staring at his husband with worry evident on his face.   
"Stiles, you told me this was getting better. If we need to talk more or-"

Stiles only shook his head with a small smile, he had already predicted Derek would take it the wrong way at first.

  
"My nightmares barely exist anymore you know that. This isn't me dwelling on the past Derek, this is me coping with it. This is me letting go. By writing it down I'm acknowledging that it happened and that it means something, but I'm not letting it control me anymore."

  
Derek smiled, so unbelievably proud of his husband, who had grown so much in the past seven years. He was able to remember a time, not as long ago as he would have liked to believe, when Stiles could barely think about that day with the Alphas without having a panic attack. He had come so far, they both had.

"Well, personally, I can't wait for the part where the pack calls Deaton and he shoves the most disgusting herb concoction I have ever tasted down my throat. And then, of course, I throw up all the wolfsbane in my system and come to find the only thing I can focus on is the love of my life's voice telling me he loves me. But, my favorite part is when said love of my life let me kiss him senseless until all he could taste was me," Derek said, a possessiveness in his voice. Stiles smirked and leaned down to kiss him.  
"I like that part too," he whispered in Derek's ear, and rolled his hips against Derek's chest where he was still seated.

Derek smirked when he felt a growing bulge in between Stiles legs, and leaned up to tug at Stiles ear with his teeth before whispering,"I think I like this part the best, is this going to be in the book too?"  
He bucked up so Stiles could feel his erection on his back.  
Stiles let out a soft moan, silently (or maybe not so silently) asking for more, but they quickly got interrupted by the wailing coming from the baby monitor on the bedside table.

"Talia's up from her nap," Stiles sighed, regrettably moving off of Derek who groaned in protest. Their little girl never managed to sleep through her entire nap without waking at least once.  
"If you go get her and put her back to sleep, you might just have a surprise when you come back." Stiles said with a smirk, knowing the effect he had on his husband.

Derek shot off the bed faster than a bullet.  
"Deal," the werewolf called from where he was halfway across the room. Stiles chuckled.

"And, Stiles," Derek said, turning serious for a moment,"I love you."

  
Stiles eyes twinkled with happiness,"I love you, too."

  
~~~~~~~~~~

 

 _So I say to them, to the people who doubted him, to the people who doubted me._  
Let them think Derek Hale was dangerous. Let them think he was unfixable and broken beyond repair and ruined.  
It didn't matter, because I already knew what Derek Hale was.

_  
Derek Hale was the one thing I never knew I needed._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END  
> so for anyone confused throughout the story all the parts in first person italics are Stiles writing in a diary of sorts and the parts In third person r the actual events hes writing about or (in this chapter) present day  
> Hope you all enjoyed  
> All the love

**Author's Note:**

> The first few chapters are kind if short so im updating three chapters today  
> Ive had this fic written for a long time so updates will be plentiful i want to get all the chapters out as quick as possible  
> Hope you enjoy  
> All the love


End file.
